The Hardest Thing
by Alluring Illusion
Summary: Song fic ('The Hardest Thing' by 98 degrees) The hardest thing to do is to hurt the one you love


Disclaimer: Do I look like I own Fushigi Yuugi? As much as I threaten Yu Watase, she won't sell me the rights to it. Those of you who believed me about Watase-sama, e-mail me and nice men in white jackets will come to take you to a place where they will give you a pretty new white jacket and let you sleep in a room with soft walls.  
  
A/N: *achem* now that that's out of my system. This is my first FY fic, but I am currently working on another. This is a song fic to 98 degrees "The Hardest Thing" and it's based on Vol.7 when Miaka has to tell Tamahome that she doesn't love him and when they are at the carnival.  
  
Be warned: I don't remember all of what they said in that volume considering that I don't own them so ill just try to do it to the best of my ability. Please don't flame me for it.  
  
Apology: I know I promised to update my other fics like 2 months ago, but I have been struck by writer's block and it's a really bad case. Thought I do have chapters to 'Kagome No More', A World of Waiting' and 'Midnight Switch' written I need to type them and I really haven't found time.  
  
I'm only doing this song fic because I'm off sick and need something to occupy my self that and something that doesn't need me to look back and forth to see what I have to write. This is just a 'fly by the seat of my pants' fic.  
  
Well on to the story!! R&R.  
  
Miaka walked out of the Sazuku shrine and walked towards her friends. She smiled as best she could after hearing what she just did. 'I'm ready to go everyone.' She said. She noticed that Tamahome was giving her an odd look but she knew that she would just have to learn to ignore him. For Sazuku's sake.  
  
~ We both know that I shouldn't be here  
  
This is wrong  
  
And baby it's killing me it's killing you  
  
Both of us tryin' to be strong  
  
I've got somewhere else to be  
  
Promises to keep  
  
Someone else who loves me  
  
And trusts me fast asleep  
  
I've made up my mind  
  
There is no turning back  
  
You've been good to me And you deserves better than that ~  
  
Miaka turned down the hall, wanting to be just be near him for one last time before she had to do what she had been told to. She wanted to look at his face and see those kind eyes look down on her, full of love and loyalty before they looked down on her with contempt and hatred. The walk down the hall towards Tamahome's room seemed to last a lifetime, whereas in reality, it lasted only seconds.  
  
Miaka knocked on the elaborately decorated door, but to no avail. The room was empty. She sighed and turned, ready to walk back to her own room when a figure holding a lamp to its face jumped right in front of her. Miaka quickly planted her foot square into the intruder's face when she realized that it was only Tamahome.  
  
Inside of his room, Miaka sat at the table while Tamahome ranted about how any other girl would have been frightened, had they been in her place. Tamahome stopped mid-sentence and sat down to look Miaka in the eye.  
  
(A/N: For those of you who are going to criticize me in the little reviews I get, I am going to be using direct quotes from the manga. I'm trying to recreate the scene in my words as a song fic so please don't review and say 'Your taking the scene right out of the book'. I'm trying my best to make it different but if I slip and make it the same tell me NICELY please and I'll redo the chapter.)  
  
'So whatcha come visit me for?' Tamahome asked as he got more comfortable in his chair. 'Oh no reason.' Miaka replied, pouring herself another cup of tea. Tamahome laughed. 'I thought you were sneaking in here for a quickie.'  
  
As quick as a flash Miaka was holding a steaming kettle above Tamahome's head. 'What did you say?' She asked looking quite dangerous. 'Nothing ma'am.' He said looking down at his lap.  
  
Miaka Sat back in her seat and continued to pour her cup when Tamahome took a deep breath and stood up. 'Miaka, for the past couple of years, I've been sending the money that I've been making home, but I've also been putting some aside for my self. The time has come when I want to strike out on my own and start a family... a boy would be nice... but that's just me being selfish...'  
  
Tamahome continued to ramble on while Miaka got tiered of using her cup and moved on to the teapot itself  
  
Miaka finished her assault of the teapot just as Tamahome turned to face her. '...And I want you to live in that house!' he said fiercely. 'Alone?' Miaka asked, looking confused. 'With me of course!' He said laughing.  
  
Miaka stood and faced the door as Tamahome continued to rant the benefits of moving in with him. 'Will you marry me Miaka?' He said, dropping the big bomb.  
  
'What the hell are you talking about?' She said in a cold voice. Tamahome stopped and looked at her, his eyes wide. 'God you look stupid. Do you think I was still serious?' Miaka turned around and face Tamahome. 'It was just a fling nothing special. God, I'm a priestess and your only a lowly warrior of Sazuku. One of many.' Miaka said as she walked out the door.  
  
All Miaka heard as she was leaving the room was the sound of her own tears hitting the floor. 'I can't love you I'm sorry.' She said to the silence. 'I-it's the har-hardest thing I'll ev-ever have to do...to lo-look you in the eye and te-tell you and don't love you...' Miaka sang part of one of her favorite songs that seemed to fit the moment perfectly.  
  
~ It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To look you in the eye  
  
And tell you I don't love you  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to lie  
  
To show no emotion  
  
When you start to cry  
  
I can't let you see  
  
What you mean to me  
  
When my hands are tied  
  
And my heart's not free  
  
We're not meant to be  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To turn around and walk away  
  
Pretending I don't love you ~  
  
Miaka turned over and looked at the sun that she had watched rise. She hadn't gotten a wink of sleep the night before... but instead of turning over and trying to get to sleep, Miaka got up and got dressed.  
  
She walked out into the hall with every intention of going to get breakfast, when she bumped in Nuriko and Tasuki, who invited her to go to a star gazing festival. After she had accepted the invitation she saw Tamahome and put on a fake smile before talking to him. 'Were going to the star gazing festival tonight. You come too ok?' she asked as she walked away to go eat.  
  
~ I know that we'll meet again  
  
Fate has a place  
  
So you can get on with your life  
  
I've got to be cruel to be kind  
  
Like Dr. Zhivago  
  
All my love I'll be sending  
  
And you will never know  
  
'Cause there can be no happy ending ~  
  
That night at the festival, Miaka watched as Nuriko went to win the strong man contest, without being noticed she slipped off and went to a field, not far from the city. Miaka bent low to pick the most beautiful blossoms.  
  
After she had picked a large bouquet, she plucked a ribbon off of her miko priestess kimono and tied it around the flowers. Miaka walked back into town and headed towards to dock. She tossed the flowers into the raging water and said a short prayer.  
  
'Are those for Amiboshi?' asked a soft voice behind her. A minute later Miaka and Tamahome were standing side by side in complete silence. 'Can we go somewhere more private?' Tamahome and Miaka walked in silence until they reached a small private garden.  
  
'What's going on?' Tamahome demanded when he spun to face Miaka. 'No- nothing.' She stammered out 'Your lying! I asked you to marry me! Do you expect me to just give up?'  
  
Miaka shook her head and explained how she was told that her body must be pure in order to summon the god. How she was supposed to abandon all of her feelings toward him. How she wasn't supposed to love him any more.  
  
~ It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To look you in the eye  
  
And tell you I don't love you  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to lie  
  
To show no emotion  
  
When you start to cry  
  
I can't let you see  
  
What you mean to me  
  
When my hands are tied  
  
And my heart's not free  
  
We're not meant to be  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To turn around and walk away  
  
Pretending I don't love you ~  
  
Miaka blinked rapidly as she felt the threat of tears. She watched as Tamahome reached out to her. 'So I'm supposed to suffer?' he asked as he reached down to touch her breast.  
  
He pulled away and ran but before he reached the end of the garden, he turned.  
  
'Alright. I'll wait. But the minute that Sazuku is summoned, then ill make you the happiest bride ever.' Then Tamahome turned and fled.  
  
~ Maybe another time, another day  
  
As much as I want to,  
  
I can't stay  
  
I've made up my mind  
  
There is no turning back  
  
You've been good to me  
  
And you deserves better than that ~  
  
Miaka smiled and watched him run and knew that he would make her the happiest bride in the world but for now she knew she would just have to wait. She turned to walk out the other the other side of the garden, singing a song that no longer applied to her.  
  
~ It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To look you in the eye  
  
And tell you I don't love you  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to lie  
  
To show no emotion  
  
When you start to cry  
  
I can't let you see  
  
What you mean to me  
  
When my hands are tied  
  
And my heart's not free  
  
We're not meant to be  
  
It's the hardest thing  
  
I'll ever have to do  
  
To turn around and walk away  
  
Pretending I don't love you ~  
  
A/N: Well how was it? I know it followed the volume pretty much but I just thought that that song would fit that part of the volume so good so I just had to write it. So R&R (please no flames) and read my other works if you are an Inu Yasha or spirited Away fan.  
  
Ja Ne!  
  
Andi~ Lady Youkai 


End file.
